I am losing respect for myself. What should I do? It's possible to salvage a marriage after infidelity , but it isn't easy. There's nothing worth fixing unless your husband shows empathy for the pain he caused you and your son , and takes responsibility for the choices he made, regardless of any problems in the marriage. The bedrock of relationships is trust; the shattering of trust through betrayal makes infidelity a true trauma. The betrayal is not sex with another woman, it's his secretly becoming emotionally closer to an outsider than to you while you are operating on a different set of assumptions about your relationship.
Healing involves a long slow rebuilding of trust—by your husband stopping all contact with the affair partners, by sharing his whereabouts, by being willing to answer all of your questions about past and present contacts with the affair partners. Just as important, you have to together design the relationship you both want, one you can both look forward to—and make time for it. No lifestyle, no matter how comfortable, is a substitute for close connection with another human being. Staying in a marriage for fear of being on one's own does not encourage closeness.
Sharing your deepest feelings and dreams for the future with each other does, and is the single best deterrent to an affair. By the way, your MS may not be disabling you but it may be profoundly affecting your relationship. That you have a condition that is usually progressive may be keeping your husband emotionally distant from you. The only way to know is by talking about it in a gentle and open way.
On this you have to take the lead, because his reticence may be his misguided way of trying to protect both of you. I have been married 25 years. My husband has been talking to a woman and says they are just friends. He knows how uncomfortable it makes me feel.
This is the third time I have found her number on his phone and he says there is nothing going on. He says he still loves me and no one else. Am I stupid or what for staying? My heart can't take it any more and this is my last time or should I just quit now? You are not stupid for staying in a marriage that has apparently had its share of good years, but it would be wise to consider some questions now.
Has your husband ever had a conversation with his friend in your presence? Has he ever introduced her to you or attempted to bring you into the friendship? Is this friend married not that being married is any guarantee of fidelity, after all; but if she's single and living alone it could raise your level of suspicion to, perhaps, orange alert. If they're just friends, then there is no reason for him to be keeping his conversations with her secret from you or to keep the friendship to himself.
Most partners like to share good things, like friendships, or at least information about them. That's what makes for a great relationship; you each enrich the other by sharing accounts of individual experiences. A few other questions you might ask yourself: Just what prompted you to go looking for a number?
Were there other elements of his behavior that aroused your suspicion that something was going on? Are there chunks of your husband's time that are unaccounted for? And save yourself the heartache of getting into a pitched battle with your husband over his "friend. My husband and I have been together a little over five years, married for one year.
I recently found out—from other people—that he has slept around. I confronted him and he said just once. However, I have found condoms in his coat and we have not used condoms in over three years; he told me it was for a bachelorette party at the bar he hangs out at. I know when he is lying , and he was. I have also found him masturbating to porn and he has profiles active on Internet sites for finding mates, even on sites for married people wanting affairs. When I confront him he goes into a rage and says it's for entertainment only!
I have found letters he has sent to some of these women and they sound like he is having an affair! I have never been a jealous person but lately I am having a hard time holding my composure. Marriage, like any other deal, loses a lot of its charm when only one partner plays by the rules. Still, it's pretty clear that confrontation is not going to get you the love you want or the attitude change your husband needs. Yet his secretary is there getting herself drunk during supposed business.
The next day he shows up on her doorstep but not before the secretary calls and tells her how he needs an heir to inherit the company he's been running for his father for years.
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Nick thinks they can just get back together because she's so great and wonderful and understanding but she has other plans, so he blackmails her. Basic plot, but many things were never explained. The secretary. Supposedly he was with her before, during and after their marriage. Yet he claims there was never anything with the secretary. Yet, at a party Abby walked outside and saw him kissing the secretary and giving her jewelry. He couldn't have known or planned on Abby stepping outside at just that time to do this. Also, the secretary later confronts her in the bathroom and makes it obvious that he'd given her the jewelry.
There was no need for her to imply that he had if what had happened outside was all a setup. It obviously wasn't. Yet supposedly there was nothing going on between them? Also, why did she call and say that he needed an heir if it wasn't true? Furthermore, despite the fact that she was supposedly with him on business but got herself drunk, she called and told supposed lies, she didn't get fired? Instead, according to the book, she was given a promotion to a different country. It would be more convincing that she'd been lying if she'd been fired.
After all, she deals with confidential information all the time and would be expected to maintain confidentiality. Then we have the actress. Supposedly a friend of the family that Nick asked to pretend.
But while she's pretending she's ruining her own social standing and credibility. Her job requires public interest above all else and flaunting herself as the mistress of a married man would have won her no favors. However, as far as the actress is concerned, I can believe that it was all faked. I just can't believe the secretary was just a big misunderstanding.
Supposedly he organized this very public humiliation of his wife because he couldn't have children and instead of just admitting it, he wanted her to leave him so she could go be with someone else and have the children she wanted so bad. Yes, he was just thinking of her when he paraded his many women in front of not only her, but all of society including friends and family.
He treated her like crap but it was all for her own good? And to add to that, he legally denied his son, but let his family think that Abby had hidden away his child from him.
That he'd had no idea that he'd even had a child. She took all the blame and he took none of it. I'm sure that was all for Abby's benefit also. He took no blame, he had no shame. It was all her fault, none of it was his. He would not go through what he made her go through which just makes all his claims worth exactly nothing. If he wasn't willing to be the bad guy, to face public humiliation and take the blame for what happened with his family, then how was he ever looking out for anyone but himself? And then Abby.
The only time I liked her was at the beginning, when they met again and she had no feelings for Nick at all. Oh happy day. Instead she ignored his affairs and kept trying to stay with him. Then when she actually gets a backbone she gets blackmailed into going back with him. The man legally signed off all rights to the child, so even if he wanted to, he had no powers there. And a failing trait that I find in most Baird books is the ending confession.
The hero announces he loves the heroine and wants to explain what happened but she only cares that he loves her and nothing else matters. Abby does the same thing. Nick loves her, so she doesn't care about all the other women he's slept with, or the affairs he had while he was with her. She actually only cares about the actress and not about the secretary. The one he was kissing on, giving jewelry to, and still had with him years later.
The one who supposedly lied yet got a promotion for it? And he's kissing on her and hugging on her in the end? Yet she lied about his reasons for being with Abby again and lied about them being together without him asking her? Something is fishy about this story. I hated this book because I hated both the main characters and couldn't believe in their HEA for a single second. View all 9 comments. Nov 08, boogenhagen rated it really liked it Shelves: angstfest-wrecki-drama , emo-angst , om-dramarama , blackmail-hp-style , trainwreck-with-an-avalance-on-top , rom-supsense-with-some-pnr , betrayal , hplandia , ow-who-aren-t-stopped-by-black-hole , bickery-bickerfest-temper-temper.
Re Shattered Trust - Jacqueline Baird's second HP outing is truly a whacktastic trainwreck with an avalanche wrapped in typhoon epic of a book. Yet for all the antipathy and back and forth over this book, it is definitely one of JB's best - plot holes and serious logic errors included, this book hands down defines the true wrecki angst drama spirit of HPlandia and if you Re Shattered Trust - Jacqueline Baird's second HP outing is truly a whacktastic trainwreck with an avalanche wrapped in typhoon epic of a book. Yet for all the antipathy and back and forth over this book, it is definitely one of JB's best - plot holes and serious logic errors included, this book hands down defines the true wrecki angst drama spirit of HPlandia and if you have the stomach for it, definitely should not be missed.
I would put it on the required HP reading list, cause HP devotees should all share the angst, but I hesitate to go there cause this book's agony is seriously agonizing and painful to read. This one has a young 25 yr old h who was divorced by her husband at 21 when he began a series of VERY public affairs with other women.
Up until that point, the two of them had been delightfully and blissfully in love and the only fly in the ointment was that the H's Greek family was pushing hard for the h to deliver the heir and hopefully a spare. The h began to fret under all the family pressure and apparently this completely tarnished the shine of love on the H's part. He began flaunting other women in front of the h. He implied he was sleeping with his secretary, in fact she was proudly flaunting the H's very pricey baubles in front of the h every chance she got. He showed up at receptions the h and he had been invited to as a couple flaunting a half dressed actress and he made it very clear to friends, family and all acquaintances that the h, tho married to him, was not on the menu - he was sampling lots of dishes elsewhere cause the h was as bland as blancmange.
When the h protests these publicly humiliating abuses, the H proceeds with the full on h ravishment, and she just can't resist the H's epic lurve mojo. The h, who is still in love and wondering if aliens have done an H brain transplant, is completely bewildered and confused, but gamely hanging in and trying to fight for her man. Until the public actress flaunting drives her to tormented tears and the H ravishes her once again, then leaves a note on the pillow the next morning that he will be off with the actress cruising on the Aegean for a month, ostensibly scouting movie locations.
The h takes this as a sign to retreat. So she heads back to London from Greece, thinking the H will come to his senses and chase her down. She gets served divorce papers instead. Instead, the H denies paternity and finishes off the divorce.
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He pays the h out a big settlement which she donates to various charities, then she sells her London apartment and buys an art gallery in Wales. The story starts when the h is invited to a business dinner as a plus one with one of her male friend's and his new business partner. The male friend is a resort developer and the new business partner and his companion are extending an evening social invitation and her friend needs a platonic date. The h finds out that the business partner is her ex H and his companion is the secretary the H had systematically cheated on her with.
She still has feelings for the H, tho she refuses to acknowledge them. She asks her friend to pretend to be engaged to her, as she wants to try a little sauce for the gander move on the H.
This fake engagement request by the h is the her downfall, and JB almost always puts one in play when she is off on her favorite revenge trope. JB is literally the Queen of HP Revenge, no one does it as much or as well as she does, it is her very favorite trope and the revenge seems to replace the old skool forced seduction trope in JB's corner of HPlandia as her h's rarely resist the H's magnetic tower of power. So the dinner goes on and the H is perturbed by the h and her supposedly engaged partner.
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The secretary tart is as catty as ever and the H makes a good show of cozying up to her to discomfit the h. She doesn't really care, she just enjoys the anger on the H's face when he sees her with another man. So both of them are playing quid pro quo and the evening comes to a draw. The H shows up at the h's art gallery the next day and he is full of jealous questions about the h.
He is angered too that people seem to think the h's son is his, and he is trying to shoot her down when the boy shows up and there is not a doubt that yep, he really is the H's son cause he looks like a mini H. The H acts like he has taken a mortal blow and the h angrily denies that the son has any father at all, the H rejected him a long time ago and she isn't in the mood to give do-overs after his immoral and slime slurping behavior and she explains that very clearly.
The H gets the message and he leaves. The h starts feeling nervous over the next few days and then she gets a call from the H's secretary. The H has announced that he and the h are reconciling and the secretary just called up to rub it in that she is still the H's lover, he just needs his heir and the h shouldn't get any idears about a happy marriage. The h is in shock, she hasn't heard from the H and she has no idear what the secretary means, except that apparently the H needs her son to secure his position as head of the family firm. The h is pretty sure pigs will fly and aliens will land before she is back with the H.
Sure enough the H shows up and explains that he never cheated on her before they divorced - in fact he claims he has been celibate for four years. He tells her his physician, who is old and not up on modern treatments, claimed that since the H was exposed to mumps he became sterile.
The H flaunted all those women to drive the h away, so that she could find someone else and build a family. He seems really sincere and the h almost buys that story, but the secretary's phone call comes back to mind and the h believes the H is lying so he can get to her son. The H is all ready to start again, but the h completely rejects him and the H decides that if the h doesn't remarry him and give him his son, he will bankrupt the village and her male friend by delaying construction on the holiday resort until they can't finance themselves anymore.
The h doesn't want to see her friends and her village ruined, so she agrees to remarry the H. She isn't happy about it tho and angry sex and more OW situations continue to happen- including the H alone with his former secretary, who has now been promoted, and the H dragging the h to dinner with the mistress actress. The H also bought and furnished the h's dream house, complete with studio as he now realizes the h was a lot more than his pampered lurve toy.
The H's family also thinks she kept her son secret and the H refuses to explain to them that he is the one at fault. It is HPlandia rule 1 in a big huge way with the h being blamed for every thing and tho the angry lurve clubbings continue, the h finally has enough when the H's father dies and the H won't let the h leave with her son.
The h also finds out the H has an ocean phobia, so she knows he did not go sailing off with the actress for a month, she thinks they just holed up in a lurve shack instead. The h rejects the H's advances once again after she finds him with his secretary, she tells him she only lurved him up after his father's death because of pity. The H wasn't too happy to hear that and declares that future lurve clubbings are off the table, from now on it is separate rooms all the way.
Things are getting really icy between them when the h's son gets chicken pox. The H and h develop a sorta truce during the illness and the h finds out from the family doctor that the H really did think he was sterile cause the doctor told him he was after the mumps exposure. The h believes the H's story now and she goes to try and repair the damage, but while the H is good for a poke, he isn't interested in rebuilding a marriage and the h starts crying.
This makes the H miserable and he begs for forgiveness. We get the further explanation that the H thought the h had left him for another man - they were on the same flight together back to England. He really believed the h had lurved it up with someone else, whether in rejection of the H's antics or out of a sense of desolation and that the baby wasn't his. He sent his secretary, whom he insists he never slept with, to another country as she lied about the H needing his son to inherit the family firm.
The H also swears that the actress was his BFF's widow and she only was trying to help him in his campaign to run the h off for her own good. The h believes the H this time around and they avow true lurve forever with a baby bonus epilogue and promise to switch family doctors for the big HEA. The wrecki drama in this book is EPIC. But ultimately the tolerance for this book is based on how much the reader believes that the H is telling the truth.
I vacillate on this one a lot. The first few times I read it, I bought the H's story. But then I got to thinking and I consulted the Captain and two questions just keep haunting me. The first is that I have to wonder that a man being told he is sterile in such a machismo society would actually embrace celibacy because he thought he couldn't father a child and it damaged his manly mojoness.
I tend to think that such a message would drive him into the opposite reaction, he would want to pike and poke as many ladies as possible, just to prove that the mojo was still humming even tho the motilators weren't running.
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The second thing I ponder after five or six rereads of this, is that he was very, very quick to assume the h had left with another man. Even tho it was really, really obvious that the h only had eyes for him and was in fact his adorative lurve slave, even while he was engaged in running her off and publicly humiliating her. I believe we tend to see in others what we would do ourselves, so my conclusion is that perhaps the H was so willing to believe the h took a lover straight away cause that is what he was doing himself. A lot of readers believe he was sleeping with the secretary in the book.
I truly don't, mainly cause all of her actions were a woman who wanted but wasn't getting. Her every action wasn't OW sleeping with the H moves, it was wanna be OW trying to drive the wife off so she could sleep with the H moves and he was encouraging that behavior. That is classic HP trope right there and JB did it really, really well. I DID believe he was sleeping with the actress - even tho he claims that the actress was the widow of his dead BFF and thus inviolate to his lustful urges.
I did not necessarily believe that he slept with her out of lust. Probably more for comfort and friendship after his sterility diagnosis and because she was a link to his dead friend where she needed comfort too and because he really believed the h left with another man and his ego took a beating. Which I interpreted to mean that the H signed a statement denying culpability and legally wasn't the son's father. JB needed leverage for the h to stay tho, so she kinda had to do that to keep the story going.
Plus they were in Greece and the H had legal leverage via his power and position, so it wasn't that far a stretch to believe that bit of blackmail I don't hold it against her, veteran HP authors have done much, much worse, Anne Mather for one, and this is only JB's second attempt at writing, so I was impressed that she managed to pull off even a semi believable reason to keep the drama going. As we all know big misunderstandings and unnecessary drama and angst are the foundations of the entire HQN Universe and there is no way we want those foundations cracked.
So the H claiming custody wasn't the big issue for me. What it really comes down to in the end is does the H really love the h? In this instance, I believed he really did. I also think that he still believed the h had other lovers during their time apart, even tho she truthfully states that there was only him.
But he decides that he has to torture himself with images of her with another man and that is his penance for being a mule dropping. He certainly won't be calling her out on it and it will help to keep him a bit humble in the future, cause she is hot property and he could lose her if he doesn't mind his p's and q's.
I also think the H was sincerely sorry, he got blindsided and reacted out of ego and trauma and he spent a lot of time regretting his actions by the end. Mainly cause the h was passively hating him for most of the book and it wasn't an easy thing for him to tolerate. Still, this H was extremely persistent in his quest to recapture the h, and stalkerific, intense H's are a large part of what we are reading HP's for, so overall this is a pretty good outing for adventures in HPlandia - if you don't burn the book in protest at the H's appalling antics.
View all 16 comments. Dec 04, KatieV rated it really liked it Shelves: hqn-presents , hero-manipulative , hero-total-ass , hero-tycoon-greek , locale-greece , hero-has-to-work-for-it , genre-contemporary , second-chance , hero-only-lover , hero-with-ulterior-motive. There was definitely some WTF'ery : It was also very hard to put down, thus the 4 stars. It can't be a 5 star wtf crazy HP simply because of some serious logic fail and yes, I realize we're in HP land where the laws of physics don't apply. Okay, the guy thinks he's sterile and he knows the h wants children. Why doesn't he just lie to her and tell her he doesn't love her and ask for a divorce.
Better yet, why doesn't he tell her the truth and let her make her own decision. Why's it gotta be this crazy, involved plot where he has "fake" mistresses, treats the h like crap, and humiliates her publicly before divorcing her for what he knew wasn't desertion she flew back to England while he was supposedly on a cruise with his mistress. He loved her, yet decided driving her to brink of a nervous breakdown was the best plan on the table?
Seems like she could have come up with something a bit more plausible than that. I would have even preferred some tried and true tropes, such as lying relatives. So, Nick thinks he's sterile and when the h tells him she's pregnant just as he's divorcing her, he automatically assumes she's been cheating and goes all self-righteous. Somewhat excusable for an initial reaction, but 4 years of this crap? He keeps this up for 4 years? He doesn't demand a paternity test? He doesn't try to see the child to determine if he looks Greek?
He just assumes she had another man's child and is off married to her lover with no basis in fact. Frankly I didn't blame Abby for putting him through so much crap when he forced her to remarry him. He put her through hell and insinuated she'd been a huge slut while they were apart she never slept with anyone else. Plus, she had a very good reason to believe that his sudden reappearance after 4 years was very business related. Nick knew she assumed he was using her and their son and he had the proof he wasn't, but didn't reveal that until the end.
Another case of the author being lazy IMHO. He wanted her to trust him, he knew he'd been a bastard, so he should pull out whatever guns he had. But no, he doesn't reveal he's owned the company for years and doesn't need her son's shares because So confused. View all 6 comments. Nov 21, StMargarets rated it it was amazing Shelves: hero-behaving-badly , revenge-by-hero , jacqueline-baird , favorites , harlequin-presents , secret-baby , second-chance.
Trainwreck Alert! That is just what I want from a heroine who has been betrayed. No mid-book forgiveness. The premise is ridiculously trainwrecky.
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The hero thought he was sterile because he had mumps as a lad. Heroine is much younger and he thought he should let her go so she could find another man t Trainwreck Alert! Heroine is much younger and he thought he should let her go so she could find another man to give her the family she always wanted.
He thinks she was cheating on him. Heroine knows none of this when the hero shows up five years later, takes one look at his mini-me son and promptly blackmails the heroine back into marriage. Stay angry, heroine. I know I would run down the street for a good trainwreck. View all 12 comments. Mar 07, Leona rated it really liked it Shelves: hqn-presents. This is an amazing read But there were some real issues with the book, that held me back from rating as five stars.
Four years after a devastating end to their marriage, she meets Nick at a business dinner. She does a great jo This is an amazing read She does a great job in seeing his true colors and takes great delight in dishing out whatever punishment or caustic remark he deserves. That night, she ends up walking away recognizing that he just isn't worth loving and grateful that she and her son escaped their marriage.
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